Looking for the Sun

18th of February 2012

5:24 a.m. I barely dragged myself out of bed. Can not see anything. Sun did not lean yet its nose out from the eiderdown made of clouds. I wake up the guys. We go to the bazaar to do some shopping. Sack of potatoes, half sack of carrots. The same quantity of onion. One hundred bananas. Fifteen pineapples. The list is quite long. Triciclo parked in the front of the house. We take with us a suck of coffe. A green one coffee. We have to roast it. With the eyes closed, we traverse the streets of Calca. The city is teeming with life. And the only thing I'm dreaming about is to go back to my bed. It's cold. The raindrops are falling slowly from the sky.

God, what am I doing here? I'm coming back with my thoughts to that day when everything inside of me was screaming with the joy. To that day when I've trusted Him so much that I've decided to follow Him. Without any fear. Without any doubt. *It is not so easy when you have to be awake since early morning until the late night. But still, everything is for Jesus; so like that everything is beautiful, even though it is difficult.*
It is not always easy. There are times when a smile is hiding somewhere under a pile of gray thoughts. The words are barely squeezing through the tightened lips. Feet fail. Everything around irritate. There is a lack of strength. Just like that, it's human. But after all it's a time of joy. Inside joy. Mine. In union with Him. After all, I'm doing what Jesus did when he was on the Earth. I'm fulfilling his warrant: "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations". I help others to love God even if I still can't do that in a right way. He doesn't mind about my weakness, limits or poverty.. What could be more beautiful? To love and be loved. I'm opening my eyes. The rain gave a way for a few sun beams. I am just an instrument in your hands, nothing more.

*Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta